Of flower girls and comments
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The fashion in weddings these days is to have a ring bearer and flower girl come down the aisle ahead of the bride. The flower girl throws petals along the way that the bride will walk. The ring bearer brings the rings on a pillow.
All weddings have mix-ups, some more serious than others. At my daughter Debbie's wedding, the ring bearer, trained to clean up messes at home, came down the aisle picking up the petals strewn by the flower girl.
At the wedding we attended last weekend, everything seemed to go well. The cute little flower girl spread her petals and seemed to bubble over with joy. The ring bearer bore the ring with dignity.
When flower girl went to sit with her father, he said, "You were a little fast coming down the aisle." All of the bubbly went out of her. For the rest of the ceremony she sat quietly on her daddy's lap, looking at her feet as she kicked them back and forth.
Was she really "a little fast?" Beats me. What I'm sure of, though, is that her father's remark will affect how that little girl thinks about being a flower girl if she has another opportunity.
She may tell her father that she "just doesn't want to" or "just doesn't like it." She'll probably never tell her dad that the reason is his comment that day when she went from bubbly and happy to somber. And he'll probably never ask.
Over the decades I've been in business, I've watched casual comments become culture. No one intends to do it. The boss or the parent doesn't want to dampen enthusiasm. The person criticized may not even remember the comment. But it takes its toll.
If you're a boss or a parent remember that your team members and your children pay attention to everything you say and do. It may not be fair and it may not be logical, but it is what happens.
Boss's Bottom Line
Everything you say and do matters. So pay attention. Choose your words and actions carefully. And follow up if it seems that the wrong message is getting out.
Wally's Working Supervisor's Support Kit is a collection of information and tools to help working supervisors do a better job. It's based on what Wally's learned in over twenty years of supervisory skills training. Click here to check it out.
Categories: supervision, Communication
Tags: Supervision Communication
It's also important to understand your audience. What may seem like an innocuous comment to you can mean a world of difference to your audience. In particular, I've learned the hard way that sarcasm and irony are often lost on people, especially in tense situations.
The bottom line is that the speaker must meet the needs of the audience to get his or her point across, not the other way around.
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That's a great summary, Chuck. Meeting the needs of the audience comes first. That determines what you can say and how you can say it.
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What about people who read too much into a supervisor comment? I suspect noticing that and cleaning up fall with the supervisor. I may have just answered my own question!
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I think you may have done that, Lisa. Responibility for communication and follow-up always defaults to the supervisor. The good news is that spending time with team members, having conversations, and learning about them helps head off communication misunderstandings. It also makes it easier to spot them when they happen. Show up a lot. Talk to your people. Good things happen.
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"Leaders live in fish bowl and are always being watched. They should always be conscious of that fact and take advantage of it."
-Gene Klann
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Great quote. Living in a fishbowl is the situation. If you're a boss, you have to deal with it.
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I love this post! It is so true. A very refreshing read. Thanks!
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Thanks for those kind words, Matt. Glad you enjoyed it.
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So true, Wally! I try to keep in mind that we are building the memories of the future today, and we have no say as to what stays and what goes. I recall when my Dad was President at a University some years back. We had a song contest for students, a very popular event. One day, the judges were deliberating and came up with some quite unpopular choices for winners. My Dad walked up to the organizer and asked: Why do you have that method of scoring? It's not working! Who ever thought of that! The answer was dumbfounding: "You did, Sir. It's what you suggested 4 years ago." Well, scratch what I suggested - he said - chuckling a bit. I swear I heard a sigh of relief from the organizer.
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What a great story, Monica! Thanks for sharing.
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