Women Who Bully
 Subscribe to the Three Star Leadership Blog |
| The Working Supervisor's Support Kit is a collection of information and tools to help working supervisors do a better job. It's based on what Wally's learned in over twenty years of supervisory skills training. |
| Follow me on Twitter |
| For weekly tips and resources pointers, check Wally's Three Star Leadership Letter |
| Find out more about having Wally speak to your company or convention. |
| Find out more about Wally's coaching services. |
 |
In mid-April, Dorothy Dalton published a post titled, "Bitch or Bully: The Pink Elephant " about women who are workplace bullies. As she says:
"I originally set out to benchmark a client’s experience. If I had any preconceived notions, they were centred around bullying being a predominantly male activity and simply wanted to investigate corporate checks and balances, as well as any legal deterrents that dealt with this problem. I have to confess that I also secretly hoped to prove the findings of the New York Times wrong. Somewhat predictably, this sadly, was not to be."
She has received comments via email. The original post and two follow-ons, "The Lipstick Jungle: Female saboteurs" and "Mascara Mafia: To Debate Or Not?" have generated many comments and so the discussion continues.
I'm blogging about the discussions here for two reasons. First, this is a spirited discussion of an important issue. It's worth your time and attention.
Second, there are people who think the issue should not be discussed at all. Forty years of hanging around organizations and watching how they work has convinced me that whenever someone says "we really shouldn't be talking about this," it's a signal that this issue is important and should be talked about.
Problems like bullying or abuse of power don't get better on their own. They're like mold. They thrive in the dark. The first step toward solving them is letting the sun shine on them. That's what Dorothy's posts are doing.
Additional Resources
Last year, Mickey Meece wrote an article in the NY Times titled "Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work" that kicked off a lot of debate on this issue. Almost 200 Times readers commented on the article . Here are some other articles on the topic.
Why Do Women Bully Women in the Workplace? They're Easier Targets
Workplace Bullying: Why Women Are Affected More
Women Bullying Each Other At Work
Beware the office bully: she's baring her claws
Many of the articles refer to a Zogby poll on workplace bullying. Their release on the 2007 survey is titled "Zogby Poll: As Labor Day Nears, Workplace Bullying Institute Survey Finds Half of Working Americans Affected by Workplace Bullying ."
Boss's Bottom Line
Bullying in the workplace corrodes relationships and destroys performance.
Wally's Working Supervisor's Support Kit is a collection of information and tools to help working supervisors do a better job. It's based on what Wally's learned in over twenty years of supervisory skills training. Click here to check it out.
Thanks for sharing these additional articles.
I think this is a particularly important point..."whenever someone says "we really shouldn't be talking about this," it's a signal that this issue is important and should be talked about.
Reply to this
Thanks, Susan. I'm sure there are resources out there that I've missed. I'm sure you and other readers will bring them to our attention.
Reply to this
Hi Wally - many thanks for referencing my articles in your post. I appreciate your support on this topic.
What started as a simple benchmarking exercise has opened up a Pandora's Box of complex issues that truthfully I thought we only found on our TV screens. I thought I knew what bullying was, but find that it needs to be redefined. The figures that resulted from my LinkedIn poll on the subject were also consistent with all other studies on the topic.
As more and more women enter the workplace with aspirations to progress to senior levels, it seems organisations need to make provision for:
- Training and mentoring women who are ill equipped to successfully negotiate the hurdles they face in the workplace. My own feeling is that these subjects should also be included in university curricula.
- Training and mentoring the women who manage and supervise them. They are also ill equipped!
- Finally men also wrote to me about their struggle managing teams of women that they can't treat like their mothers, wives or sisters!
There just seems to be a vacuum waiting to be filled!
Thank you for adding to the awareness.
Best
Dorothy
Reply to this
There are surely many issues here, Dorothy, and they all seem to intertwine. Bullying in the workplace has only recently been a "hot" issue. There are gender issues here. And there are other workplace transformation issues. There won't be easy answers, but there should be intelligent choices and it's important that we raise up issues so we can discuss them, instead of burying them where they can fester. Thanks for a great series that's sparking a lot of debate.
Reply to this
This an interesting topic and one that envokes thoughts and opinions from my cranium.
In my experience working with female bosses has never left me with a great experience. Most of those I have ever worked with tend to over compensate for their low self esteem through manipulative and type A behavior at work. I have always enjoyed a male boss for the simple reason he leaves you to go do your job without micromanaging. Now, I point out, this is only my experience. I count four female bosses and three of those were over the top in their micromangement of the people.
It might be interesting to write a follow on story about why female bosses feel the need to over manage and push good workers away.
Thanks for this thoughtful post Wally.
Reply to this
Thanks for sharing your experiences and impressions, Spencer. You ask about an article on woman bosses. I think that's one some of the academics among my readership will need to tackle. I think there is a core question that needs answering first: Do women who are bosses act differently than men in similar situations? If that is generally true, then there are lots of things we can investigate about the wheres and the hows and the whys.
Reply to this
I always found the assumption that women automatically support other women to be as silly as assuming men support men.
I was never bullied, but then I never noticed chauvinism until it was pointed out to me, so maybe I was.
That is because I realized that bullies, bigots, chauvinists, etc., all had one thing in common—they are jerks.
Jerks I could ignore since it was their problem and had nothing to do with me. If I had recognized the underlying cause of their jerkism it is more than likely that I would have taken it personally, but jerks are jerks and, for me, it's fairly easy to discount or ignore that behavior.
Reply to this
Thanks for adding to the conversation, Miki. I think bullying can be harder to ignore than simple jerkiness. And I think people have very different levels of tolerance for both.
Reply to this
I'm with Miki, I always saw women in the workplace supporting one another. Although, I saw woman on woman bullying in high school, so it's logical that those women just never grew up. Shame.
Reply to this
Thanks for sharing that, David.
Reply to this
Test
Reply to this
Hi Wally,
Thanks for opening up this topic. It's a very real one as far as I'm concerned for a couple of reasons.
First, although I now work outside of The Corporation, my very worst experiences of bullying came from women who were my seniors. I found that they demonstrated a complete inability to manage any bright, vivacious woman who showed high potential, and preferred to surround themselves with more mediocre people of either sex, who they found less challenging. On one occasion my female boss became so psychologically punishing that I had to seek outside help. I finally went over her head and told her boss that either the situation was dealt with or I was going to resign. As I was then the OD lead in a huge consulting contract and had excellent client relationships I knew that I had power and could play this card. But I recognise other people would not be able to act in this way. Nor should they have to.
Second, in the whole men vs women in leadership debate I think we miss a point by ascribing physical gender to a need that to my mind as much about behaviour as it is about actual sex. The business world needs more feminine energy from both sexes. It's not enough to say "men bad, women good". Overly aggressive and abusive behaviour from anyone is just out of order.
Reply to this
Thanks for sharing your experience, Christine. I'd like to see some research on this issue that determines if there are generational differences. I've lived through the entry of women into what had been men-only fields such as police work.
The first women to enter the field seemed to me to work hard to "out-guy the guys." I'm guessing that was a mix of personal preferences and protective coloration. But as time went on, more and more women entered the field and more and more of them brought what you're calling "feminine energy."
That makes me wonder if the business world that people are entering today and the women who are leaders, especially at the lower levels, are different than what I experienced. Perhaps some researcher out there can help.
Reply to this
Wally –
For years I’ve heard high potential woman leaders be advised by their mentors that they were not “tough enough” and I would cringe. Maybe we’ve gotten what we’ve asked for?
Reply to this
That's a good point, Dan. If the mentors and guides imagine that the road to success is to be "tougher," that's what they'll tell protégés. And if they believe it, that's how they'll act.
Reply to this
it's a simple fact, many women bully. They try to be perfectionists in an imperfect world. They need to realise that they are human and not robots. I too was bullied by a female, micromanaged to the hilt, she would never let go. They're just so sodding awful in te workplace.
Reply to this
Women do not play by the same rules as men...and in many instances they need to stay out of the way..however during my many years in business especially the hotel business, they added real value to whatever type of project that was on the table...even the daily operation and smooth running of the property....but this is more of an individual thing rather than a man , woman thing ,,and many men will tell you that in order to have a good working relationship in any environment their has to be trust and when that is missing you need to look elsewhere for work place satisfaction.
Reply to this