Amy's Halloween Costume
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Amy's grandmother lives in my neighborhood, so Amy's around often. She's about seven and started talking to me because she wanted to pet my dog. Now she's got news for me whenever I see her.
On Halloween Saturday, I was walking the dog when I saw Amy. She was in a costume that I thought was witch costume, with a little red trim. Our conversation went like this.
"Hi Amy. Are you going to be a witch this Halloween?"
"Oh, no. We’re going to the Halloween party at church. I'm not allowed to be a witch."
"What are you going to be, then?"
"I'm a dead bride." Amy kind of danced like there was more. She looked pensive for a minute. Then she beckoned me to lean closer so she could whisper. I complied. She's told me "secrets" this way before.
"I'm a dead bride AND I have magical powers." Amy giggled.
My first reaction was how cute the whole thing was. Amy wanted to be a witch for Halloween. She was wearing a witch costume, complete with make-up and a pointed hat.
When she was told she couldn't be a witch, she decided to call the character something else. She added some red and became a "dead bride."
The more I thought about the encounter, though, the more I saw a communications opportunity lost. I assume that Amy's parents go to a church that doesn't want children pretending to be witches. They have reasons for that.
But no one seems to have told Amy the reasons. They just told her that she couldn't come to the Halloween party as a witch. Amy, a clever human being, figured out how to be a witch in everything but name.
Boss's Bottom Line
Don't just tell your team members what to do. Tell them why as well. People are more likely to do what you want when they know the why as wells as the what.
Wally's Working Supervisor's Support Kit is a collection of information and tools to help working supervisors do a better job. It's based on what Wally's learned in over twenty years of supervisory skills training. Click here to check it out.
Great point, Wally. I encountered a study a while back that encouraged something very similar with kids - basically they are able to reason at a lot younger age than we think, so they understand concepts like wearing a jacket when it's cold outside. They get frustrated when you tell to do it, though, supposedly because of the lack of choice. So the study encouraged parents to give kids some amount of choice, i.e. do you want to wear the red jacket or the blue jacket today?
I digress, but anyway I think your point is valid - employees aren't stupid, and explaining how decisions are made which affect them helps to build trust and transparency in the relationship.
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Thanks, Scott. I don't know about children, but "maximum control possible over work life" is one of the characteristics of a great working environment. Sometimes it seems quicker to just tell team members what we want, but it's far better most of the time to both let them know why we want it and listen to other ideas.
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Good point. When people don't know the reason behind something they tend to cut corners or find ways around doing things. If they know the reasoning, they therefor know the consequences if they were to not do something correct.
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Good points, Derek. I think it's also important for people to know that what they're hearing from their leader is not arbitrary, but has some thought or method behind it.
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Wally - Amy's story touched me in a different way. Why would anyone want to take the magic from a child's eyes? And anyone who is in position to do so, shouldn't be. How dare anyone, parent, church official, boss, spouse do anything aimed at taking the glint of magic from anyone's eye. More importantly, why would you want to?
Hope you continue to enjoy the magic of Amy.
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Thanks, Anne. I'm not sure anyone was setting out to take the magic out of Amy's eyes. And, if that's what they were trying, I don't think they succeeded.
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Good for her. I must admit I find the wonder kids have amazingly refreshing. When I was a kid I just took it for granted. Now, unfortunately surround by way too many incurious, blasé adults I realize the kids really have a much better idea how to live than we adults do.
Have some fun. Have some fun with a cardboard box and a stick. Or a plastic dinosaur and a small firetruck. Or just reading a book about how some cat goes to the store for the 56th time this year.
Meanwhile I think an alien could appear on the subway and most of my fellow passengers would mostly be concerned if it was taking up too much space, and if not, maybe not even notice it.
Hey maybe this is why my parents always asked me "so what did you do today." Jeez stop hounding me the same old stuff. Had fun playing in a puddle, landed on the moon with Joe and Rachel and discovered brought some moon rocks back to play with, learned that we named the people in North America Indians when Christopher Columbus came because we were completely off on who they actually were and somehow never got around to fixing that error, and decided that really chocolate ice cream is better than spinach and adults don't have any idea what they are talking about. Why the heck do I want to talk about that stuff, you are an adult you must have done much cooler stuff. Well I can say now I understand why adults want to know what kids did all day - they might get some joy. Now why people want to know what their spouse did, I still don't understand that
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Thanks for that marvelous comment, John.
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My favorite post this week!
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Hey, Laura. The week is still young, my friend. Thanks for stopping by.
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Amy has a wonderful future ahead of her -- managing political campaigns or in advertising. She sounds like a hoot!
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Interesting thoughts, Jim, interesting indeed. Thanks for coming by.
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Amy's situation isn't a serious matter in most people's perspective, but in the end she still went against the values of her parents and their church. She could have gotten in a lot of trouble simply because she didn't know what rules she was breaking.
I like the point about communication in this post because the story underlines its importance. Without communication people assume things, which often aren't right. Without clear and detail communication people will find loopholes to what is said and then when they get caught they have a valid excuse of miscommunication.
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Thanks for adding those comments, Richard. I think if you're a parent or a boss and you restrict the choice of your children or your team members, it's only fair (not to mention good management) to tell them why you made the decision you made.
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Excellent point, Wally. When you know why your doing something, it is much more interesting. It is so important to instill a sense of ownership in your employee's tasks. When they know the reason behind what they're doing, it can help create ownership.
When you don't tell an employee why their doing something, you are also risking loss of great ideas. Everybody looks at a task from a different perspective. The more views on a procedure, the better. You must get employees involved.
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Good points, Oren. When you tell people the why, you set up a dynamic that encourages innovation. Telling people why not only gives people the intellectual support they need to offer ideas about how to do things better. It also gives emotional support by telling them that you trust them to understand the job.
Thanks.
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Walter Savage Landor~ We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier.
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