Trust takes Time
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Kurt was manipulative. There is no other word for it.
He noticed that his team had higher turnover than other teams, but it took him a while to understand that his manipulation and secretiveness were drivers of the problem. Once he did, he engaged an executive coach and did some hard work on changing his behavior.
To put it simply, he started telling the truth, all of it. And he started answering questions honestly. Then, about a month after he started changing, two of his team members decamped for another company.
When we had lunch, Kurt vented about the money he had "pi**ed away" on his coach. "I did everything he suggested," Kurt told me, "but my people are still leaving!"
I couldn't help myself, I started to chuckle. Kurt is an old friend and he often uses me as a sounding board for ideas and possible solutions to business problems, but this time he looked like he wanted to hit me. "What's so funny?"
I asked him what he expected from his coach. Kurt said he wanted help changing his behavior so his team's turnover would go down. "How fast?" I asked him.
He sat silently for a minute or so and then he started to laugh. "I get it," he said, "I acted like a jerk for years, but I expect a couple of months of good behavior to get me some birthday cake."
I've seen a lot of "Kurt Syndrome" in my decades in business. I've even been guilty of it. We make changes to our behavior so people will trust us, but we want that trust to happen as soon as we change. It doesn't work that way.
If you've been untrustworthy, changing your ways won't bring instant results. You have to allow trust to grow slowly. You have to realize that people will test you to see if you're serious, alert for the slightest indicator that you're not.
Boss's Bottom Line
If you've been untrustworthy, or you're following a boss who was, do the right thing, and give trust the time it needs to grow.
Wally's Working Supervisor's Support Kit is a collection of information and tools to help working supervisors do a better job. It's based on what Wally's learned in over twenty years of supervisory skills training. Click here to check it out.
I agree with your blog...In all interactions, not just at the workplace, trusting someone takes sometime. We have to be able to observe each other for sometime before trusting them. I guess it is more so at the workplace where you are at risk for your job if you cannot trust your managers. And if the managers want the best out of their employees it is very important to them to prove themselves trustworthy.
Thank you very much for the post.
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Thank you for your comments. I think it's part of human nature that we take time to trust, especially if others are not "like" us.
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Wally,
You are spot on with this post! All too often, managers look for the quick fix to employee distrust. You have to look inside yourself and realize that you likely wouldn't trust someone who had just recently turned over a new leaf without seeing the continued proof of the change.
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Thanks for your comments, Christian. I think part of what happens is that the boss goes through effort to change and forgets that the team members haven't made that journey with him or her.
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My father said, "It takes a lifetime to build a reputation and one day to destroy it." The first time I betrayed his trust - I was 8 or 9 - he made me work hard and long to regain it. A very good lesson.
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That's a great example, Gary. Thanks for sharing it.
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I think it's very hard to regain trust once it is lost.
I've worked for several supervisors and business owners that I choose not to work with again because they are inherently not trustworthy and do not "get" the integrity chain:
Integrity > Trust > Repeat Business > Profitability
Sadly, these people continue to burn through their employees and their clients.
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Thanks, Tom. I like your "Integrity Chain." As for getting trust back, that's got to start with the desire to do so. It doesn't sound to me like the people you describe cared all that much.
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